I came to the realization today that I no longer have a best friend. I suppose I should’ve seen it coming. She moved out of state about seven years ago with her family. She was bound to build a life for herself and make new friends. I guess I should be happy for her that she didn’t dwell on the past as I clearly have. Isn’t that what we do? Life changes and we’re supposed change with it? That would be the logical answer. Yet, as stupid as this probably sounds, I never thought we’d lose touch.
We’d spent the better of twenty years at each other’s side. Even if we took time away, we could always come back and start right where we left off. We had a relationship of complete truth. Nothing was ever politically correct about our friendship which is how I think it should be. She always had a knack for seeing right through my bullshit and was one of the only people I know not afraid to set me straight. On the other side of that, she knew when I was hurting and what I needed. It amazes me to think of what we’ve been through together. The awkward years of childhood, the drama that goes along with being a teenager, even all the way to marriage and children. I have so few memories that don’t involve her in some way. It’s hard to imagine your life wrapped so closely around one single non-family person.
Now I’m at a very unfamiliar place. Where do you go once your friend has moved on? They don’t exactly have a friendship service like they do online dating. Are you supposed to put yourself out there and stay open for new friendships? I really don’t understand how you trust a new person. How much do you give away and what are the new rules with this new person? It all feels overwhelming at the moment because I’m pretty much in the dumps. Thanks for listening to me vent. Writing is really the only way I purge this stuff out.